Back............but with indignation.......

Preámbulo:
Yes, I am back to my blogging ways. I almost felt pressured, from myself and others, to return back to blogging. Do not be mistaken. I did not decide to permanently stop blogging. I just chose to take a break from writing for a while. I had actually intended to take the month of September off and commence October 1st with a new blog entry. A friend jovially said to me that my blog was actively acknowledging Ramadan, the Muslim piety. She said that my abstaining from blogging is analogous to the intricacy of Ramadan. Since I wasn't blogging for the month of September, I wasn't "feeding" my blog with words or thoughts so it was "fasting". What's interesting is that, on one of my older blogs, I stated that writing/blogging is very cathartic for me and its therapeutic for my mind and my soul. That is still very true. Though, I haven't felt too bad about not writing/blogging, but I definitely felt that not writing for such a long time was becoming unhealthy. So, I am attempting to recover my routine indulgence in my verve-like prose. I've always maintained that I like to write at length when I blog, so if I don't find or experience anything that moves me enough to write in depth about it, I'll decide against blogging. Though, I would have liked to make my return to my blog with a happier subject, unfortunately what spawned my yearning to write was a horrid experience. I archived this blog entry in the "I'm Mad as Hell and I'm Not Gonna Take It Anymore" (apropos of the film "Network). I'm not mad at all right now, but, at the time I was incensed so I thought this entry best fit in that section. And I haven't an entry in this section in a long time. That's a good thing, right?

El Cuento
A few days ago, I happened to be walking along one of our campus quads and I saw a fairly middle-aged looking Caucasian couple sitting on one of the limestone enclosed flower beds. They were looking at the campus map and seemed really confused. I was walking with my iPod (whose cacophonies that emanate from the headphones can be easily heard by anyone) blasting and I sauntered past them. But as I continued to inch away from them, I thought to myself that I should ask if they need any help because I know the grandeur of UNC's campus on paper can be confusing for anyone, especially for a first time visitor/(s). So I stopped, did an about-face, walked up to them, and asked them if they needed any help navigating the campus. They retorted yes and inquired about what venues they should visit since this was there first visit to Chapel Hill. I suggested that they visit the three libraries on campus, the soccer field, gyms, Dean E. Smith Center, the basketball museum and the nexus of campus which is called "The Pit". "The Pit" happens to be surrounded by our Student Union, one dining hall and Student Stores which has UNC paraphernalia ( I totally sound like a student tour guide). They motioned as if they were glad that I was providing them with such instruction. But before I could make my exit from the conversation, they posed a few more queries to me and asked what year I was, where I was from and how I was enjoying my Carolina experience. I gave them a detailed answer and responded as genuinely as I could. Subsequent to the inquisition the man, who I assume to be the husband, asked what was my major of study. I told him I was a Communications major and he facetiously responded, "Ohhhhhhh. So that's why you speak so well".

He actually stuck his tongue out when he said as if he presumed that what he said was going to be just as dryly funny to me as it was to him. I could've easily showed my indignation, but I didn't. I've gone through a lot of these experiences before so I was used to it. And I responded to the situation the same that I've responded to it in the past. And that was showing off, as best I could, my ability to articulate, my strong sense of self, and dabbling into expressing my passion for film. So I lengthened the conversation and told them about my aspirations; though concisely. They asked me what programs that I was thinking about applying to for film school and I told them USC, UCLA, NYU, and Columbia. They hastily expressed to me that those are extremely difficult programs to be admitted to, almost in an effort to discourage me. But I took it in stride, and expressed to them that I have the diligence and passion to make it into one of those programs. They responded with "ok's", wished me well and continued their venture throughout the campus.

While it wasn't the first time it has happened to me, it was still one of the most unpleasant experiences I've ever incurred. It was a verbal slap in the face. And what really makes it worse was that it was such a 'back-handed' comment. I could've called him on it, and it would've been easy. But I don't think that taking that route would've done me or them any good. And besides, I think that they were surprised enough by my speech, decorum and thoughts. So I feel like that was my return-fire. But, it's saddening that these indoctrinated cultural ideas still pervade this particular society. Maybe I was showing a bit of niavete in believing that this country had made some significant strides in race-relations because of examples like Barack Obama's journey to the political apex of this country.

But I almost feel like those such as Barack Obama, Cornel West, Jocelyn Elders, Terence Blanchard or any reputable and revered black person only garners that profound sense of respect from their white-counterparts because they have moiled over constantly impressing them. It's sad that a person of color is readily perceived as ignorant or less potent. For some reason, when I worked at the College Board in Manhattan during my senior year of high school, I felt like I needed to perform all the time for the workers there so I could prove to them that I was a unique, intelligent, intuitive, witty and goal-oriented young man. I prepared myself to do that and voluntarily placed that burden on myself each day that I had to work. And I find myself still doing it today. But it's fine. I think adding that dimension to my journey to becoming the kind of filmmaker I want to be will only make the content of my films more informed and add more layers to my personhood. And it's always good to persevere through things, show strength and character and ultimately grow.

Parting Pensamientos:
1. I participated in my first film project. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to direct which is what I was hoping to do, but I landed an acting role. I played the killer, Edward Martin, in a short film entitled "The Return of Edward Martin". The film entailed a man who killed his wife 100 years ago and his granddaughter incidentally returns to his grave site and drops her bequeath necklace that Edward Martin's wife once wore on his burial ground. The necklace revives his ghost and attempts to kill his granddaughter while believing she was actually his wife's revived spirit. The movie actually ends with a twist, entailing Edward Martin killing his granddaughter while thinking she was actually his wife; but after he kills the granddaughter via strangulation on an elevator, his wife reappears wearing his signature gloves that he dons throughout the short film. Subsequent to the first screening, we won Best Shot, which was a dolly shot suggested by me to the director. For any cinephile reading this blog, you would know that the dolly shot is a staple of Spike Lee films where he captures an actor/(s) walking, but because of the shot, it seems as if they are floating through a particular milieu. We also won best story line. Over all, the project went well. I learned a lot of things about the process including shooting, acting and editing. I'm excited for my filming future.

2. George Tillman Jr, director of "Soul Food", is a making a film detailing the legendary ascension of the late-great Christopher "Notorious B.I.G." Wallace into the pantheon of Rap elites. The film is entitled 'Notorious'. I hope this thing isn't a disappointment. His legacy is well preserved and if this film is bad, there will be bedlam within the Hip-Hop community.
http://www.imdb.com/video/imdb/vi1206386969/

3. I'm anticipating Kanye's "808's & Heartbreaks" which is set to be released in mid-December. The single, Love Lockdown, kind of grew on me, but it didn't wow me like the singles off of his older albums. I just hope that Kanye provides us with that incredible production that he has blessed us with on his past albums.

4. So, I'm in a relationship now and it has gone on for about two months. Having a long distance relationship is unbelievably hard, but the promixity makes you appreciate one another on so many different levels. And that's what I feel like we have done. Our bond puts so much emphasis on growth and honesty and that's undoubtedly, my favorite part about the relationship. We've literally "spilled the beans" about everything including our past experiences, family history, struggles, beliefs, and significant decisions that we've made in life. I think its incredible that we've been able to share those things. And when those kinds of conversations first started, it was definitely tough hearing and sharing certain things, but now we're at a point where our communication is by far the strongest part of our bond. We're brutally honest with another, no matter how grand or minute the subject is, we make it our business to discuss for the sake of growth within the bond. Also, we're so incredibly different, though we have many things in common, and it makes for great compliments to both of our personalities. We originate from different places, live in different places and have had contrastively different journeys but we've learned so many different values just by sharing what we've gone through. She's definitely my biggest support system right now and I hope I am to her. I'm really excited about the relationship's potential and I hope it flourishes into a bond that no one can understand but us. Because that's when I believe, it is truly unique.

Oh yeah,
I felt the need to give a shout out to Brooklyn.