A 7 Minute Hiatus from living....

So... its raining outside and consequently I'm feeling moderately melancholy. I love rainy days because it's my favorite pastime, however, I've delved into thoughts yet again and this is one of the times when it's not a good thing. I'm having a love/hate relationship with my dreams. Just try to understand me.

It's funny because everything in Kanye's "I Wonder" holds veritable for me and its boiling over inside of me. I want my dreams to come true so bad that I get lost in my head pleading with time to speed up so that everything I want comes to fruition. But that just isn't the case. I have to understand that the journey to my destiny will be at least as enjoyable as when I get to my plateau. I definitely understand that, but it's really hard. I have so many ideas bursting out of my medulla oblongata and I'm losing control. Kanye is right. These dreams do keep me up at night. I may be losing sleep, but the insomnia is affording me a lot of ideas about what I want to do in the future.

I want to be a catalyst of change so bad but my objective in life at times seems futile. I've been told that the things I think about regularly are way to serious. I've even questioned who I've become. Reading all these books is great and everything but I can equate my internalization of what I read to the way marginalized black folk in "da hood" imbibe gangsta rap.

Sigh.....

I'm definitely a different person than I used to be. And that's cool. But sometimes I don't like it. I don't have too many friends with the same type of cognition that I have about the world and that makes me lonely sometimes. The truth is the truth and that truth is that, socially, you will gravitate towards people who look like you when you're cast into a new environment. Being in college, I've tried finding black males who think the way I think, or who are at least open minded enough to make a friendship between us, and possibly others, endure serious growth. It hasn't worked thus far. Maybe my standards are too high. Maybe the consciousness of people is too low. Who knows. I still have a good pool of friends that I depend on..... but I want more. A friend of mine said that I'm too consumed with aiming for and expecting idealism and I have to realize that reality will set afoot no matter what. She has one hell of a point. (Thanks Bekah)

Sometimes, I just wish I could run away. And make every film I dream of making. Go to Cannes and get those hand claps, sighs, shocks and stares that I anticipate receiving. Time man...time.

Enough with the sadness already. I'm really excited for the summer. I have a good chance of traveling the country while helping groom other young people like myself strengthen themselves as people. That's really cool. I think I'll grow a lot this summer.

The fact that baseball is still popular in this country amazes me. It seems like everyone is infatuated with the 21st century negro's body, ability, and talent. There are hardly any black dudes in baseball and that sport isn't really that athletic. Though, people hit the ball park in droves. Weird. Oh, the Red Sox will repeat this year. All other fans can put their hopes down.

UNC is in the final four! Too exciting. I think I'm going to prepare for the parade in Chapel Hill early. Haha. If this didn't take you 7 minutes to read, I apologize.

Parting Thoughts:
Sometimes, I seriously wonder if my school's dining hall is FDA approved.
I will never figure out the nuances of women.
Bumping umbrellas is annoying.
Jazz is Black people's music. I dare you say otherwise.
I don't like wearing socks to bed. At all.
Eff Jay-Z, when will Black Thought's Kingdom Come?

Over and Out.

Oh yeah, (The) Ghetto Rock(s). Mos Def....initely.