A One Night Stand.........for enlightenment.

(Deep Breath). Ok, so tonight I went to a forum entitled "What is a Real Man" and it was a very interesting experience. I sat there and listened dreadfully to an innumerable amount of people express what they thought was a "real man". This was definitely one experience, one that I have had many times over, where I felt that ignorance had pervaded and overwhelmed the minds of people. Or maybe they have simply been misled far too long.

To begin things off, they asked all the males in the room to stand. The orator said that he was going to call out certain things and that if a male who was standing did not have or relate to that particular thing, he should sit down. The group that was hosting and sponsoring the forum had conducted a survey and the things that the orator were listing were the most prevalent traits and characteristics that pollsters said conjured a "real man". I don't exactly remember everything that he listed, though I do remember a few. And although I had a problem with the activity as a whole, the ones that I do remember that he said incited a lot of dismay from me. Those things were "strong" and "religious". It's really unfortunate that I can't remember the others because I would definitely lash out on those as well.

These are my gripes with those things. Being "strong" does not constitute a "real man". And I found it painfully frustrating, that the census labeled the idea of "strong" as merely physical. The idea of being strong is not exclusive to what you can do with your body. Being "strong" incorporates, will, determination, logic, perseverance, gall, and ability. After calling out the word "strong", the orator said, "If you can't lift your own body weight, you ain't strong". sigh......
I strongly believed that religion didn't belong there. If the host/hostess were responsible, they would've realized that religion is not a trait or characteristic, it's set a principles or beliefs. Being extremely religious does not make a "real man". I would not have a problem if he had said someone who is spiritual because I feel generally, people aspire to have a great deal of spirituality assimilated into and throughout their lives.

I had a problem with the event's title before I even came to the venue because I believe there is nothing that constitute or affirms a "real man". The panel persisted on asking questions to the audience about what a "real man" was. And I agree with a friend of mine who said that most answers that were given, didn't answer the question, but rather were statements that expressed each individuals ideals in the opposite sex. I accept that 100%.

I don't think there is a definition of a "real man". There isn't a definition of a "real woman" either. However, I do think that there are goals and traits that people aspire to have that makes them great people. There is no standard, no set of principles, or traits that if culminated by a male individual, he is now considered a "real man". People were just throwing out what they think a "real man" should be. For example, taking care of your kids, or being confident (I extracted that from the phrase, "I want my man to be hard body") or being motivated. What people failed to realize was that those things don't make for a good man, they make for a good person. Everyone should aspire to be responsible, motivated, and confident. Just because a father takes cares of his kids does not make him a "real man". It makes him responsible. If a male has no fear in protecting or approaching a woman, that does not make him a "real man". It makes him confident. The issue here is that people were proscribing to social constructs that have been identified and associated with gender. You should not conform to social constructions. If that were the case, then everyone would be readily willing to function in a society based on stereotypes. Do we want to do that? No.

Someone offered me a contrasting argument which entailed that since we've been raised conforming to social constructions, why should we change we now? All of the ideals that we're brought up in this forum are traits that we consider follow traditional gender roles. That was sad to hear someone say. You would actually prefer to conform to the conventions of social constructions than to deviate from what society as deemed as normalcy. Unbelievable.

My point is that there is no quintessential male or female. Nor is there an ideal person. However, there are qualities that make us good people, not good males or females. If we were operating on the ideology founded on conventional gender roles, then there would be a set of standards exclusive to men and exclusive to women. This may be a far fetched example, but I think that is comparable to asking what makes a great male cat or female cat instead of asking what makes a great cat.

There was also an inquiry about whether nice guys/girls finish last. I don't think nice guys/girls "finish" last. My opinion is that "nice" (and this my inkling of what traits are generally associated with nice guys/girls) guys/girls are generally respectable and socially sensitive human beings. I believe those qualities take a great deal of maturity. And quite honestly, young people aren't wise enough to understand the "nice"guy/girl's humanness. Generally young people, because of inexperienced and immature minds, are attracted to immaturity and what's "fun". I think that nice guys/girls possess a maturity and humanness that would be attractive to older and wiser people because they understand what makes for a great person. The impressionable young mind, because of the ideologies that imbues young people (especially in a technological world), does not understand those qualities because they deviate from the social norms of that age group.

Interracial dating was also a hot topic. All I heard was, black women get bitter when they see black men dating white women yadda yadda yadda. Look. What we to need understand is, that skin color does not make a person who they are. Bottom line, before we were black, brown, yellow or white, we were human beings. And human beings are naturally attracted to each other because it is an anatomical, hormonal and instinctual intuition. If anyone has a problem with interracial dating, which means that they do not condone human beings become intimate with other human beings solely because of their skin color, that is ridiculously and starkly shallow.

I would say, that as human beings, we should all carry unique personalities and aspire to be responsible, confident, articulate, cultured, intelligent, intuitive, aware, sincere, accomplished and motivated people. I think those are qualities that both sexes look for in the other ideally and when there is a great and compelling combination of any of those, a natural attraction is sure to follow.

Though almost no one agreed with me, and I was pretty much maligned for subverting the premise of the forum, I stayed strong. That felt good. I have to admit, its not always good to be a minority within a minority. Sometimes it sucks. In this case, it almost did. But then I realized, that's why I have a purpose.

Parting Thoughts:
Ignorance is disheartening.
I will never give up.
My mouth gets really dry sometimes.
I may have an anger problem. Help me?
Trust is beautiful.

Over and Out.

Oh yeah, Huey for president.